Hi Anon,

I don't know if I have "answers" for you, but maybe I can help a little. I'm no doctor or anything........

It seems to me that your primary problems are your mental & emotional ones. I don't know if any treatment will help you (detox) until you take a close look at your own internal pain, and your initial reasons for using straight on (at least to yourself, lie to everyone else if you must). That is 1 of the things that bothers me the most w/treatment! I was a chronic depressive for years before I ever started using, and that IS the primary reason I ended up getting hooked, but it was always considered a subordinate problem. I was always told to deal w/my addiction first. To me this is very chicken and the eggish. How can I get better when the feelings & problems that prompted me to use are still there? So called 'alternative problem solving' doesn't help! These were all things tried before turning to heroin, which was a last resort for me. It was actually dope or suicide at one point.

Try another doctor. Some are more sympathetic than others, but there has been a rather large DEA crackdown lately, so many physicians are very wary. Also,since you have computer and Internet access, go to one of the search engines & look up methadone, or addictions. When you find some sites (and there will be many) go to 1 of the European ones, they will be able to help you more than I, especially maybe Dutch ones. They have a much more enlightened attitude towards drug problems there. Here, everything is so clouded with puritanical blame the victim claptrap that its hard to get 'real' help for your head.

Methadone ISN'T your only alternative. In fact, to my mind its a rather stupid one. If you are really serious about kicking, there are a number of different facilities available. Yes, many do suck, but sometimes the only thing to do is take what you need from something and leave the rest. Do some research on it. I wouldn't normally suggest this, but it sounds like you could use a place that has some heavy duty counseling along with drug treatment. If you are in NYC, St. Luke's at 114th and Amsterdam has a first come first served basis 2 week detox, where they give you methadone and slowly bring you down. I know someone who went there & didn't feel that bad. Once you are there St. Luke's also has some programs for people w/heavy duty emotional problems who are also addicts of some kind. I almost went to one. Don't be scared off, true, some of these programs are for people who are REALLY mentally ill, i.e. completely cut off from reality, but some are for people who sound much like us; fairly intelligent people with some sort of depressive illness & a substance abuse problem. Apparently, they have a lot of very good therapy. I hope these suggestions have helped you, or at least made you see there are alternatives to be found. At this point look on a methadone program as your last resort.

Sincerely,
"Jezebel"

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