Hi Eric! You mentioned your girlfriend wanting to have the "ask the doctor" article. I had the exact same idea in mind! Same title and all! I am going to ask him, the doc, what he thinks after I get the permission to do this.

Some friends of mine threw me a one year anniversary party today. My year was Thanksgiving day. It was great! My friends are members of NA, but two of them are really trying to get away from it, and they don't go to meetings hardly ever anymore. One has 9 years clean and his wife almost 2.

I feel that your program is really wrong in making you attend NA because they are really against methadone (in my area anyway). If anything, they tried to make me feel like being on the methadone was a bad thing, and that as long as I was on it, I couldn't really be recovering. I had some real problems. I was really into NA and even went to 2 of their conventions. When I started to get some clean time under my belt (clean to me but not to them that is), I tried to become involved in H&I and a secretary position at my home group. Well, there were NA Nazi's there to put me down and out at every turn. So, if I can't be an equal member of NA or be acknowledged for my accomplishments like everyone else there, I would rather not be a so called member at all.

It is a real shame, I think that NA is a good thing, but they believe that it is their way and only their way, or no way at all. I believe that you should get help where ever you can, and whatever helps you to live a happy, normal life is great. So, I really feel for you. Have you encountered any problems such as I have at your area NA? Or did you have to keep the methadone a secret from them? Not that I'd blame you if you did, but I found it kinda hard to live the 12 steps and be dishonest about such a big part of my life and recovery. I felt that I should not have to keep it a secret.

Your program sounds very disorganized. How long has it been open? It must be hard with no set rules. But then again, maybe not. At my program every 3 months of clean urines gets you another level. When you get to level 4, you can go no further until a year later with clean urines. Then another year from that date until the next level. We go up to level 6 and there are a few people that have been clean for a long time who come to the program once a week! I feel lucky and proud to be on level 4. It is a good program. It is a strict one though. I guess. It is not a "gas & go", put it that way.

They changed over to a new rules system that is really stupid and confusing. It doesn't really affect me too much, but people who are just getting on, or come up dirty, or miss an appointment or group has a hard way to go. They are started on a detox, and when they start their new groups and don't miss for two weeks, they are brought back up again. If they miss a group or can't pee or something, then they are detoxed again until two weeks of meetings, and so on and so on. How can anyone stay clean and be responsible if they are up and down, up and down on their dose? You have to be stabilized at a sufficient dose to stay clean and be responsible. Then again, if you do what you are supposed to do, you don't gotta worry about it. Then again, shit happens. Like you really, really, drank a gallon of water and can't pee. You're screwed! Or if you get a flat tire on the way to the program and miss your group. Your screwed! If you are on levels like me and can't pee, or miss an individual counseling session, you lose your levels and start over again. That would be more than I could take. Really, I think that I would be damn near walking off the program if that ever happens.

Well, enough about my program. Hopefully, at the program's 6 month review, they will see how stupid it all is and change it. Well, I jabbered long enough. I'll go now. Talk to ya later.

Jessie

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